Anyway, today I was thinking about the future - wondering what it will hold and what the journey will look like. How - case in point - I was once a little helpless baby (probably) lying on the floor as my mom rushed around trying to get stuff done. How 28 years ago her life must have begun to settle into a routine with her firstborn child... and now it must seem like so very long ago.
I haven't asked her, but it must be strange for her to think of that little baby - and reconcile that memory with her only daughter who is now striving to make a life with a husband, car payments, laundry, cooking, cleaning, working - learning to be a Mommy. I know it's been hard for her to watch me grieve over Autumn, and the same heart rejoices with me over the birth and life of Peyton.
I look at Peyton - whose world is still so very small still - and pray that I have the opportunity that my mom has had to watch her daughter grow up and experience life in all it's craziness and hectic activity, with joys and even grief. I want to see my daughter not only function without me - but bloom into a girl, and then a young woman who has a husband, car payments, laundry, cooking, cleaning working - and yes - to even watch her become a Mommy.
For now it seems as though this period of life couldn't possibly end - when will my child not "need" me? And yet I know that is the way God designed it to be. Already she is "growing-up" - sitting straight, standing to her feet when pulled, head not bobbing at all... the signs are there if I ever look.
It's like when you're swimming you don't necessarily notice the distance - you're just thinking about the strokes and breathing and kicking (and in my case trying not to drown doing the stupid front-crawl... ick.) On days like this I feel kinda like a swimmer raising her head above the water and taking stock of how far from the shore she has come.
So thank you, Mom. I love that you can watch me love Peyton. Thank you for showing me how to function when I have a zillion things to do while my own little girl naps. Thank you for trying to raise me in a way that glorified God - and for showing me your love Christ with your life as you served Dad and our family. I pray for the same opportunity with my daughter - and that I can do it half as well as you did.
5 comments:
Hey, I recognize that picture! Well, not the picture, but your outfit and the setting ... our wedding??? I thought that was on August 5, not 6, but I might honestly be wrong, as I can sometimes not remember Paul's birthday either! :S What a memory I have. Anyway, I'm so glad you are enjoying motherhood! SO exciting! :)
Kendall,
We recently had a baby shower for a gal in our church. Michele Cunningham was the hostess and she shared some precious moments between she and her mom and we talked alot about moms/daughters and that relationship. I pray that though these days do seem to drag on (if you ask me) you'll be able to see the preciousness of having a daughter who looks up to you as you do to your mom. It's no small thing to raise a daughter to be a godly woman. Believe me, she's watching your every move. (no pressure :)) You have a chance at an enduraing and meaningful relationship unlike any other. I don't fully understand it but a daughter wants and needs her independence from her mother yet she is so completely dependent upon her for encouragement and reassurance and guidance throughout her life. I think that's why it's so hard on a daughter when mom dies. Also, I think that's why your mom feels acutely the pain you feel from the loss of Autumn.
PRay for me today friend, as I strive to love my own mother and as I appreciate the imperfect relationship that we have. "A Mothers love holds fast." (quote from a movie) You're a great mom. And you have a great example. I too pray that you and I get to watch our hubby's give our babies away to the man of their dreams..and that we're invited to watch as our first grandchild peeks through..and the kindergarten graduations all over again...etc..I love you my friend..thanks for helping to make me a better mommy.
What a beautiful post and picture, Kendall.
As a child we definitely take for granted the sacrifices and loyalty our mothers have for us as daughters. I do not have a daughter, but hope that all three of my sons will admire me the way that I now admire my mom. It's not an easy job, but our moms sure made it seem that way. For it's in their strengths and in there sacrifices we have found the motivation to be just as good as they are.
WOW does your mom ever look like Goldie Hawn? Did ppl ever tell her that or am I the only one that notices that??!
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