6 Months Gone

Six months came and went. I was dreading it - and the day ended up being so busy that I didn't have time to mourn. I did enough mourning leading up to it, I think. Saturday the 19th - early in the morning (around 2am) I lay in bed with tears thinking it was exactly six months since the last time I felt her move. It was hard... but God used some other stuff going on with family to keep me distracted - and for that I am thankful.

Today I went back and read some of my own posts from right after we found out she had died - and right after she was born. If I ever doubted the value of journaling thoughts and emotions... let's just say I'm glad I can go back and remember where I've come from.

I'm reminded Who had held us... and rejoice in the fact that I've made it through 6 months without Autumn. I quake inside with the hope that, perhaps, in 6 more months I will hold her little brother or sister in my arms. I pray so.

I saw a Ron DiCianni painting once - a rendering of Simeon holding Christ at the temple after waiting his whole life for the Messiah. Joy - unspeakable joy - and tears. You can peek at it here - but it isn't nearly as good as seeing it live. :) It'll have to do for now, though. It captures the emotions of how I think I'll feel when I finally hold our child in my arms.

... lots to bring before God, isn't there? :)

One other note: yesterday our back yard was filled with fat-little Robins! At one point I counted 30 in our tree alone - and the neighbor's tree was full as well. The cat (belonging to another neighbor) was going nuts... (chuckle) Some of them are back today - but not as many as yesterday. It was truly amazing - wonder what they were all doing here?