How can I begin to describe the love that fills my heart for you?
One year ago all I felt was grief. I knew the rest of my life without your big sister was stretching out in front of me, and I had no clue how the Lord would get me through it. I was so close to despair - often finding myself lacking hope and joy. It was a dark and horrible place. Only Jesus' love got me through.But one year has passed. That phase of my life, while still tenderly painful, is over. I have you, my darling baby girl... and not only has the Lord "got me through" the last year - but he has lifted my head and made a broken heart full again. I love you - so much it brings tears to my eyes to think of the joy you bring me.
Being your mommy has brought life back to me. Looking in your eyes, watching your little chest rise and fall as you sleep peacefully, feeling your tiny fingers squeeze mine, nursing you, seeing you cuddle with your daddy - changing your diapers... baths, tickles, sad and angry cries, your sweet smell, chubby cheeks and soft hair - all if it makes me so grateful to be here with you and your Daddy. It turns my heart heavenward.
I was never "maternal". I didn't see babies and long for the day when I would have one. When we lost Autumn I realized - probably for the first time - how badly I really and truly wanted to be a mother. And now that I have you in my arms I realize that this was what I was created for. For however long I have you, I will cherish being your mommy...There were so many options for your first middle name: Hope. Joy. Faith. But "Grace" is what I have been shown - and it - like your life - is from God alone. I am so thankful He gave you to us, honey.
I love you, Peyton. Happy one-month Birthday...
Love always and forever,
Mommy
xxxooo
Peyton Grace Elaine - one month old
10 comments:
desktop material...
love the pic.
uncle dean
thanks dean. :)
Little Peyton looks so content and peaceful in your loving arms!
Peyton is on my list of people to be thankful for this year. BTW, you grace the list too. Soo grateful for your griendship. Love you!
I meant "friendship" whew, typing too fast again...
Happy one month birthday, Peyton! You are loved :).
Kendall, thank you for sharing those words with us. Your words are always so well written and beautiful! I read this with a lump in my throat!!!
Something sweet happened as I started to read your post. I read your sentence "How can I begin to describe the love that fills my heart for you?" and just as I finished reading it, "Magnificent Obsession" started playing and I heard "this is everything I want, everything I need...everything my heart desires..." and thought WOW, there it is. I totally realize the meaning of the words in his song, but the double meaning in this instance warmed my heart. Maybe silly, but I thought it was neat. :)
I couldn't be happier for your joy and peace. Your smile in the first picture goes straight to my heart!!! :)
Happy one month sweet girl!! Can't wait to watch you grow (if that's ok with Mommy!) :)
{{{HUGS}}}
All I could do is smile and nod my head with tears in my eyes as I read your post today. Amazing how much can change in a year. It is so funny the names you had picked out. If Drew would have been a girl we were going to name her Hope Lillian. Hope for ovious reasons :-) and Lillian in memory of Lily and her middle name Ann. We are going to save it though in hopes of having another girl. I think I will get my little girl someday....Lord willing. I hope you and your beautiful family have a great weekend!!!!
i am just overjoyed. is that a word really? can you ever have TOO much joy? i doubt it. especially when i see your smile while you are cuddling your daughter! God is SO faithful.
and i still need to meet this little one!!! :)
HUGS!
Happy One Month Birthday Peyton! You are beautiful and such a blessing to your family! Beautiful post Kendell! Still thinking of you guys often!
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