K-OS

My life, that is.
(I do love the Steve Carell version of Get Smart. Saw the malfunctioning cone-of-silence scene on TV the other day and started laughing out loud...)

I thought about taking a picture of my bedroom - which currently has all of Peyton's clothes from the last 2 years in various stages of sorting and stacking... what to keep and what to give away?

(If I keep a third of what Peyton owned, this next one is still gonna be one trendy baby!)

Today I said to Kurt, "Well. I guess I should get about packing that hospital bag."
Bless his heart. All he said was, "Yeah, that would be a great idea, Kendall."

This, of course, led to taking out all the tubs of clothes for sorting, etc - 'cause I have to put baby clothes in my hospital bag, too, right?

How do I have only one week to go and still feel like it's gonna be forever until I meet this baby?

Oh well... whatever gets done, gets done. The rest can wait.
In k-os, I guess.

Shock? (no, not really)

I gotta say I don't mind the snow.
Despite my girlfriend not being able to visit today (next time, Shiela!).
Despite Kurt having to go to Shellbrook for a truck check-up. (glad it's a 4x4)
Despite the chill - and the swirling snow tornadoes outside...

I have a warm house with TWO furnaces, cozy clothes and no need to venture outside today.

Besides - it's kinda like biting the bullet, you know?
We knew "it" was coming.
It's here now.
So we move on with the year.

Thanks God for the changing seasons...
(but I do pray it is nicer this weekend and next week as we head to Saskatoon to hopefully meet BManz III!)

Happy Birthday Autumn

3 years already...

We purchased 3 balloons, which worked with with it being her 3rd birthday - as well as there being 3 of us. We sang "Happy Birthday" with Peyton filling in the "you" parts with "Autumn".

Peyton released not only her own balloon - but helped with mine as well. She watched them fly away for as long as her little eyes would allow.
When she turned and noticed her mommy and daddy's tears, she came up to us and hugged both our legs.

The story of the puppy...

We bought this little dalmatian puppy for Autumn's grave last year - and took it home a few months ago to get it cleaned up. But after it was washed, Peyton noticed it in a batch of laundry and became quite attached to it. She refers to it as "Autumn's puppy".

We asked her to leave it for her sister on her birthday - but I wasn't going to force the issue. I told her if she left it for a while, we would come back in a few months and take it home again to clean up and care for.
She teared up and said, "No, mommy." and I was prepared to let the whole thing go. She's only two, after all...

But to my amazement, she gave it a big hug, then walked over and placed it on Autumn's grave all by herself... and then started to cry in earnest - that's the above picture.
But she never once asked for it back. All she said was, "Autumn's bushdee."

She clung to her Daddy for a few tearful moments after he picked her up. She rested her head on his shoulder, then sat up, wiped her eyes and said, "Come'mere, Mommy."
When I got close, she reached out and put her little arm around my neck - then held us both close and gave us kisses on our cheeks.

Her sweetness brought more tears - but joyful ones at just the right time. She truly is such sunshine in my life... and having her be both aware of her sister - and to hear her little voice say Autumn's name were both gifts of today.
It was a good day - thanks to those who I know are praying for us...

Custom Bushdee Shirt

Attention wives, mommies, sisters, aunties, grandmas... and men who think ahead and like to get unique gifts. (?)

Ha-ha! Okay - not to male-bash - but that last one might be a stretch...

Regardless of who you are! Check it out!
My friend, Amber, makes these awesome - custom-order designs. :)

Although in hindsight I should have ordered Peyton once size larger (how did this kid get so long-bodied???) - the shirt exceeded my expectations in both quality and cuteness.

Peyton - throughout the day - kept looking down and saying, "Happee Bushdee!" (see above picture and imagine it...) *chuckle*

Christmas is coming, right? In fact, I think I saw a "Christmas is only 9-and-a-half weeks away!" status on Facebook this morning...

Check it out, everyone! You won't be disappointed.

For Comparison's Sake...

So much more hair...

But similar personalities... (lol!)

2 Years

Happy birthday, Peyton Grace Elaine.
I could not even begin to describe the joy, peace and healing having you in our lives has brought me.
We love you, baby girl! :)

Autumn Remembered

It just so happens that the official day chosen to remember little ones lost was her due date.

Robert Munsch has given me the perfect words of reflection regarding my feelings on the life and death of my firstborn daughter.

"I love you forever. I love you for always.
As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be..."

"To lose ones parent is to lose the past.
To lose ones spouse is to lose the present.
To lose ones child is to lose the future."

--unknown

I know my future was not truly 'lost'. I still live. And I love my 2nd and 3rd daughters with renewed hope .

But when I look at this picture - especially Kurt's expression - I experience, again, how it felt to lose the hopes and dreams we held for her.

One short day was not enough for this Mommy.
We miss you, Autumn.

"Mad"

She was already starting to crack up.

Amateur.

Hey! We're Twins!

Kinda like Arnie and Danny, right? ;-D

My Birthday in Pictures

Hung out with the farmers...

Especially this cute one... my personal favorite of the bunch.

Ate birthday cupcakes made by Gramma Lori while waiting in the truck.
Peyton was the messiest by far - but a fairly easy cleanup thanks to being in the field. ;)

Despite the colds, it was a gorgeous day and a great snippet of family time. Hard to believe it was 3 days ago already... a foreshadow of the weeks to come? Sheesh...

Bruised Fingers & God Thoughts

Peyton got her fingers caught in a door for the first time today.
The ironic part is that she was the one closing the door. Slowly, I might add.

She froze in panic - not comprehending the pain. All this while still leaning on the door. I was notified of the situation with wails and tears - and I rushed to the rescue.
"Rescue" only actually meant stopping her forward-pushing action - as well as finger kisses and the wiping of tears. My superior (used tongue-in-cheek) strength and wisdom literally saved her from herself.

It's a little comical, I'll admit. If she would have just said to herself, "Hey. I alone am causing this pain. I should stop." That whole 'cause-and-effect' rationale might have saved her from further injury.

But in an introspective twist, as I wiped away her tears and kissed her fingers, I wondered if we every really do come to that full-circle of understanding in our lives.

For example, I'm realizing how much in my own life I do the exact same thing as her: Create my own problems and then make them worse - when humbling myself and calling for rescue would be so much easier.

By God's grace, I want less panic, and more trust. Less emotion-based decision making and more careful thoughtfulness. Less agony and more resting. Less trying to solve things myself, and more asking Him to direct me.

Ahhh.... the revelations out of a 23-month-old's pinched fingers.

October 3 (in a nutshell)

I'm 30.
I've got a cold.
So does my daughter...
therefore, no trek into Saskatoon this morning.

Kurt is trucking.
... but we had a great visit this morning and he 'told' me what his birthday card would say.
He's very sweet, and I am mega-in-love with that man.

It's a gorgeous day - so despite the runny noses and annoying coughs:
We're planning on having a picnic in the grain truck this afternoon.

Baby is active!

Also:
I love coffee.

We bought a new truck yesterday
... and I said goodbye to both my minivan and my SUV. (sigh)
But I'll put up a picture of the new truck very soon.
It's pretty much as sexy as a 1/2 ton(ne), 4x4, extended-cab truck can be.
At least I think so. :)

Drama, right?