Joy

Last night at about 12:30 am Tenley and I were both awake.
I was trying to sleep - but hearing her little baby-noises coming from the bassinet made it difficult. She wasn't fussing - just 'talking'.

Then all of a sudden it hit me:
We came really close to losing her this week. I have no doubt that without the medical attention she received, she would have sustained long-term injury, or worse. The beautiful, sweet, content little girl who has only been part of our lives for 3 weeks could have been lost to us so easily. It happens to others... why not to us?

I clearly remember how I would have given anything in the weeks after Autumn died to spend sleepless nights with my baby.

So with a prayer of thanks to the Lord that the reason I wasn't able to sleep was those very sweet baby-noises, I clicked on the light and picked her up.

Kurt - fortunately - can sleep through pretty much anything... because she and I had a conversation about how good Jesus is, and how much I love her and am thankful that God has given her to me.

Eyes wide open, she gave the impression of listening intently.
And then it happened.

She smiled at me.

Three times. While singing to me.
And there was no gas involved, either. ('cause you bet I was listening for it even as I was exalting in the toothless grin...)

Today I was taking her one-month piggy pictures: and just in case I could have thought it was a fluke, she did several repeats of the same big grin.
Peyton didn't smile until she was almost 11 weeks: after Christmas.

Tenley isn't even 4-and-a-half weeks old.

I woke Kurt up with an exclaimed, "Look honey! She's smiling!"
I think he raised his head off the pillow and muttered, "That's great..." but since I'm highly doubting he remembers that exchange, I guess it's a good thing she's in the mood to repeat. (chuckle)

What a gift this child is... the joy in my heart today is overwhelming.
Thank you, thank you for your prayers and love: here and on facebook and in private emails... I am a blessed woman to have friends who care and reach out.

The song on my music player while I type is Light Up The Sky. It's the very last one (#42)... Give it a listen - crank it up, even. I dare you. (grin)

With palms open and up, eyes closed, and tears nearing the surface - it's my prayer regarding the events of the past week.

Love to all...

Tenley Update

I know some of you know - but others won't:
We took Tenley to the emergency room on Wednesday the 1st because she was in respiratory distress: her lips and face were blue, she wasn't eating and she was lethargic.

It was probably the scariest day of my parenthood so far.

It was determined that she was likely in an acute phase of some virus - although meningitis was not able to be ruled out due to her symptoms.

They immediately (as immediately as they can with a less-than-one-month-old) started a scalp IV and placed her on a heart monitor. The monitor indicated that, yes, she was not well saturated with oxygen and she was also experiencing multiple episodes of bradycardia - a slow heart-rate. When they tried to get her to nurse, she turned blue and her heart rate dropped below 60. In a baby that young, they get worried with anything below 90 - so it was determined that she was probably so full of 'something' she wasn't connecting the suck/swallow reflex. They gave an 'npo' order (no oral intake) until further notice.

The long and the short is that Kurt and Peyton headed back to Leask while Tenley and I headed upstairs to the pediatric isolation unit.

The doctor we talked to seemed to be fairly confident it was a virus: but with that possiblity of meningitis they wanted to do a lumbar puncture... that thought of which put me into tears. She was such a trooper with the blood draws (twice!) and the two unsuccessful IV pokes (they tried her hands first) and the successful start, plus two catheterizations for urinalysis - but I knew the LP would be horrible. However, due to her heart rate dropping so severely when she tried to nurse, they weren't willing to risk stressing her more with a LP that night and opted to hit her with three broad-spectrum antibiotics 'just in case'. I was more than okay with it.

Fast forward: it took just under 72 hours - but her nasal swabs came back positive for para-influenza (a virus) and her blood and urine cultures were negative by Saturday afternoon. The antibiotics were overkill (don't need them for viral infections) but at the time it was the best course in case it was a meningeal infection. The biggest difference probably was the 48-plus hours of IV fluids... I'm thankful to live in 2010, if you know what I mean!

I've shed a lot of tears over the past few days: my goal during everything was to trust God with my precious gift - and know He would take care of me. But it has been a battle. I'm exhausted from the days and nights at the hospital - plus the emotional strain of being on the pediatrics unit...

... but we're home and she's doing well.
She's snuffly, but alert and hydrated and eating like crazy. Praise God.

For everyone who knew and prayed - not to mention those who extended offers of help! - thank you. For the rest of you: sorry for the delay in information - but things are good now.

Please pray for continued healing for Tenley, wisdom for me as I observe her - and thank God that He has let us keep her for a while longer. I'm worn out - but very, very thankful.

Goodnight for now from the Manz house. :)

October 3 (in a nutshell)

I'm 30.
I've got a cold.
So does my daughter...
therefore, no trek into Saskatoon this morning.

Kurt is trucking.
... but we had a great visit this morning and he 'told' me what his birthday card would say.
He's very sweet, and I am mega-in-love with that man.

It's a gorgeous day - so despite the runny noses and annoying coughs:
We're planning on having a picnic in the grain truck this afternoon.

Baby is active!

Also:
I love coffee.

We bought a new truck yesterday
... and I said goodbye to both my minivan and my SUV. (sigh)
But I'll put up a picture of the new truck very soon.
It's pretty much as sexy as a 1/2 ton(ne), 4x4, extended-cab truck can be.
At least I think so. :)

Drama, right?

It's Viral

Kurt and I found out on Sunday that we both have a viral thing: therefore no antibiotics. I'm happy the doctor felt that way - I think I would have jumped in between Kurt and the prescription pad if the doctor had tried to go that route. It does happen, you know.

It's not that I have a problem with drugs (or I would be in the WRONG line of work) - but there is such a growing problem with drug-resistant infections that I hate to add to it.

Anyway, on the bright side, it seems to be lifting. I'm still coughing - but not productively (TMI! Sorry!) and I am hoping that keeps since I am working 6 days in a row.

Sigh.

*Cough-Cough*

I'm sick enough to stay home from church today. It's rough to not be able to stop coughing. Rougher, still, to not be able to take anything for it. I'm pacing my Tylenol - no closer than 4 hours apart - and it does a nice job of managing the headache and throat pain. But this is - by far! - the worst cold I've had in a long time. I've tried a few unique things in the last couple of days including: Vicks dabbed in my ears (it made the scratchiness stop for a while), and this morning I stuffed a cotton-ball soaked with olive oil into my left ear. I think it helped! Yay for ancient remedies! (lol!)
--
Peyton didn't want to nap yesterday so I offered her the big, brown, fuzzy blanket from our bed. She acquiesced right away. As I lay her down she was sure to remind me, "Blin-ket." and pointed over at it (where it was dragged from my room) in it's big, brown, fuzzy pile on her bedroom floor. It kept her remarkably content. Bribery can be so simple sometimes...
--
This morning I taught her to say, "Go, Ghana - GO!" and told her were were cheering for them because that was Auntie's country. She got pretty good at it by the end of the game. She had 90 minutes to practice, after all...
--
I'm so thankful for the sun and cheerful breeze that is keeping my house fresh and warm this morning. It justified wearing my pink Hawaii dress today! It's a tad tighter in some areas than it was in February. I wonder why... :-P
--
Happy birthday to my wonderful mommy! Love you so much, mom!
--
Well, I'm off to tidy the dishes before hopefully more Vicks and a nap (?) and then Germany v. Australia. I'm going to cheer for the Aussies just because Kurt will not. Plus - we have to stick with the Commonwealth, right? ;)

My Arm Hurts

Thank you H1N1 immunization!

I am gonna feel really bad for my little girlie when she gets it because I (as not only an "adult", but a "health-care provider") understand why I'm waking up when I roll over onto my left arm. I simply hiss, "Ouucchhhh!", readjust my position, and go back to sleep.

It's gonna be a long couple of days if my daughter has the same level of discomfort. Hello baby tylenol!

Speaking of the virus I cannot make myself call "Swine Flu" (p-touie!):
Need some accurate, credible, and non-media biased info on the virus?
Check out this link (even you, my American friends, 'cause I watch your media too and it's awful about this!):

www.fightflu.ca

Lots of good info: including the truth about the vaccine and the so-called "new" way of preparing it (which I recently learned has been used with success in Europe's regular flu-vaccine since 1997) and who it is and is not safe for. The Public Health Agency of Canada is about as unbiased as you can get... so I trust this info. It isn't the prettiest website (government), but you should be able to find the answers to your questions. Hope it helps!

Speaking of the dread virus: I've been "trained" to assist with the mass public immunizations starting the week of November 16th. They know there aren't enough Public Health Nurses - so they've recruited more of us to work with them. Good times! (tongue in cheek)

All joking aside - I really am admiring my health regions proactive approach to this pandemic. And they should be prepared, you know. We've been expecting one of these for over 10 years... it's nice to see it pay-off in an organized and methodical fashion. Well done, PAPHR! :)

Alrighty then: thanks for bringing the counter over 80,000. Amazing! :)

Ahhh... Heat (but not too much, please)

The van thermostat read +24 when I took Peyton for her immunizations this afternoon. So it was nice and warm to spend some time in our sun porch that Kurt got all cleaned up and de-winterized a few days ago. She was even wearing shorts! (I took her sweater off shortly after these pictures were taken.)

She's such a little ham... totally showing off for her Daddy who just wanted a nice smiling picture of the two of us. The top is the closet we got - but the rest are fun to look at.

She does this thing where she waves her arms around like a crazy person and kinda shrieks or fake-laughs. It's hilarious - and no one gets it quite as much or with such fervor as Kurt. I love watching them together. :)

Anyway, she took her needles like a trooper - stopped crying pretty much right away and just wanted to eat the bell the nurse rang to get her attention. :) She's just over the 50th percentile for height and still in the 75th for weight coming in at 18 lbs, 1 oz.

Thanks for reading!

My Burden

Why is it that every shirt I own suddenly has a tag that is itching me? Did my neck suddenly change shape? Due to... oh - I don't know - a tremendous amount of weight loss? (heh-heh... sigh)
I'm not joking, though. The last 4 days I've had to cut (or rip - depending on the level of frustration and the value of the shirt) the tags out of at least 4 tops - all of which I've owned for at least one year.
Go figure...
And a picture for today!
Hmmm.... okay.
Well, Kurt is kinda squinty, so I'll add another of them because I know Kurt is gonna laugh/groan and say, "Kendall, I look terrible in that picture." :)
I've really been missing blogging. Hopefully I'll remedy that in this new year - I've thought of numerous posts that I just - simply enough - haven't had the time or ability to sit down and type. And I'm a pretty quick typist. :) But - like I said - I'll try to make some time... and thus the super-short post. I figure better something small than nothing at all. (That rhymes, fyi... chuckle)
On another note, I've been thinking about Autumn a lot lately. I even shed some tears last night. Seeing Peyton grow and develop, taking pictures and passing milestones... sometimes it's a painful reminder of how abbreviated Autumn's life really was. My picture box for Autumn never changes - the number is set. Peyton's keeps growing and so does she. The contrast is just hard to miss at times. The strange part is that the grief is ringed by happiness. In our living room we have two pictures in matching frames: our girls. Girls. Plural. I love Peyton so much... and I remember the excitement and anticipation we had for Autumn. I'm so proud of both of them. But I do wish - with tears - that I had both here to love, cuddle and enjoy.
More to give to the Lord, today. (small smile)
Big sigh.
To end this post on lighter note: Peyton got her first shots yesterday (yes, I believe - quite strongly, actually - in immunization) and we found out she is hitting pretty much every developmental change she should. Not that I was worried but it's just nice to have someone else point it out. (grin) But she took the needles like a trooper - and it was nothing a quick little feed in the nurse's office couldn't make better. :)
Oops - so she's crying now in the other room and it's been 4 plus hours since her first breakfast... so I should jet. Thanks for keeping up despite my inconsistencies, everyone.
Blessings!

Mother and Daughter

This is what two hours of sleep looks like. (chuckle) She - apparently - thanks this is funny. :) She's been running a low-grade fever yesterday and today and that has affected both of our sleeps. The baby Tylenol is helping, though - for which I am very thankful.

Loving her anyway and thanking the Lord for the opportunity to go through even this mommy "rite of passage".

MORE than two hours of sleep. :) (for both of us) Just for contrast... lol!

The Snuggli trip down the street to a Norwex party. We made it even though it was cold for me - she slept great all the way there and back. You know it's a good product when a 5 minute walk knocks her out! (chuckle)

It IS a Girl

A change to point out: I've added some of the blogs on my reader to the sidebar link. I figure if I enjoy ya'll so much I should let the rest do so also. :)

The ultrasound yesterday was delightful. That is simply the most descriptive way I can think of to describe it. We confirmed that she is - indeed - a girl. That part was very obvious and not hidden at all - much to our relief. But due to her position and the big pocket of fluid around her head we got to spend a really, really long time looking at her face. She's a chub! Seriously - this kid's cheeks and lips are so plump and healthy looking - even on the ultrasound. I'll see if I can cut and past a picture. For almost the entirety of the ultrasound she had her feet up by her head - but - again - thanks to the fluid we were still able to see her in all her chubby-cheeked glory. :) She would not open her eyes for anything, though - and at the end of the ultrasound declared it was over by unceremoniously rolling over and facing down. I hope she's more accommodating to pictures when she's born...

The tech spent a lot of time looking at her heart - all chambers and valves look healthy - and her little lungs are doing lots of practice breathing. We were even able to see the fluid moving in and out of her nose as she's preparing for the real thing. Everything is really well formed and although the cord is near her shoulder, there was (yesterday) nothing looped around or knotted. The only thing the radiologist said when he came in the room was, "She's a really big baby." No kidding: she's measuring 5 lbs 13 ounces! That estimate can vary a pound or two in either direction - but with the way I've been feeling it didn't shock me at all that she was so big. It makes me feel better about a 38 week induction, too! At this rate, she will still be almost 8-ish pounds - but that's better than a 9 pounder. :)

Check out those cheeks!!

Thanks so much for all your prayers...

Post 5 of 9 (September 14-20)

The logic of the count is that I'll be posting the 9th the week we GO for induction. Like - this morning I'm 33 weeks - and that means I have five FULL weeks left to go. Just in case anyone was confused.

Kurt's been super-busy with harvest: he's been working consistent 12-15 hour days driving truck for the farmer he's working for. He's really enjoying it - even with the sleep deprivation. Last night when he got home (at 0030) I was actually still kinda awake so he showered in our bathroom (versus the one out by the kitchen) and then we half-consciously held hands until we fell asleep about 30 seconds later. Ahhh... the romance of harvest combined with the ardor of pregnancy... (lol!)

I hadn't mentioned it yet - but we get to have another ultrasound next week. I'm pretty excited - because normally we only get one at 18 weeks and if baby is fine then it is unnecessary to have others. But with our history the doctor thought it would be a good idea to check her out. The actual reason on the referral form? "Maternal reassurance". I'll take that. :) The smallest benefit of this would be making sure she really is a girl. :) The biggest delight is going to be seeing our baby at almost 34 weeks. I hope she's really active and I can figure out the parts that have been moving so much. I remember the huge difference it made with Autumn between the 18 week and 30 week ultrasound. Like: the difference between alien and human child (snicker). So that is exciting for both of us - pretty major understatement, that one. (grin)

I've also started begging off of shifts. (sigh) The waddle is getting more pronounced - as is the shortness of breath. That isn't anything I can't cope with at home - but getting in and out of the car and in and out of people's houses is acutely exhausting. Plus my pulse is still pretty volatile. Again - I can control it at home (when I feel it picking up I do the pregnancy equivalent of a full-stop: sit down, recline, feet up) but at work there isn't as much of an option for that. I would much rather control it with lifestyle than drugs... so fortunately I have a great group of coworkers who are really understanding.

Just so you can see how big I've gotten I'll post my 32 week picture (from last Friday). It's getting to the point where even I am wondering how big I'll be in another 5 weeks... zoiks. I've only gained 20 lbs - and have 5 weeks go... so that is actually really good (normal gain is 35-40 lbs) - but all I am is tummy and bum. Yes - I wrote bum on my blog. (grin) But I was definitely starting behind the 8-ball with this pregnancy because I hardly lost any weight from my pregnancy with Autumn. Lord willing, I'll have the time and energy and initiative to be healthy in the weight loss after this baby comes: not getting pregnant again 4 months after delivering this baby will probably help. (small smile)

To illustrate the delightful inconvenience of all this: Yesterday I had to take the truck for fuel and some groceries and my tummy touched the steering wheel - that doesn't happen in the car because of the telescopic steering column. Not a great thing when thinking about air bags... but for this, also, I trust God. :) But the point isn't so much that my tummy touched as that my feet almost didn't. (lol!) Hard to drive when you can't reach the pedals! Probably the last time I'll drive the truck until the baby is born...

32 weeks and counting...

Thanks for reading and praying, everyone...

BTW

Hey - did you know I've been sick for the last week?

*cough, cough*

Glad to get it out of the way before I give birth... I hope.

But now Kurt has it, too.
We always do this - I wish for once I could be sick all by myself so that he could take good care of me and then vise versa.
What ends up happening is that we both get sick and wander around feeling too unwell to do anything other than wish the other would take care of us. Such a quagmire...

:)

Blood Pressure Etc.

Hi everyone!
I went to see my doctor yesterday (FYI 5100 gang: it's Friggstand) and the the results are in: my blood pressure is much more stable and I haven't gained more weight (I later lost the previously blogged about 2 pounds and then a few). On the other hand, my resting pulse is still consistently over 100. For example, I got to work today - sat for about 20 minutes to 1/2 hour and it was clocked at 134.
Nice.
So my doctor put me on labetalol. For anyone not working with the elderly, click the word to find out what it does. (I think it's a pretty simple explanation.) The upside of this should be two-fold. I can hope to see my pulse drop below 100 - and I can say to my clients, "Hey, I take this med, too!" I'm sure it will bond us. ;-D (lol!)
(And for those who choose to read the FULL medication write up you'll see that it "may be harmful for your unborn baby"... I'm on a pretty low dose and the basic gist of the harm is that if it slows me down too much it can slow baby down too much. Right now, that isn't likely to happen, plus I'm daily monitoring my pulse and BP... just so you know I know. :))
So I'm pretty happy that I don't have to go off work. I mean I am happy as long as I'm not exhausted like I was today. :) But I got through... and I am optimistic enough that today I talked to my manager and booked a shift for the 23rd of October. Yes. One day before my scheduled induction. :) She laughed - but I figure I'll only be 38 weeks and my job isn't actually physically too demanding. And - and this is the total truth - it would probably be a great way to get my mind off what is to come. And talk about a payoff! "After I am done this shift I get to go to the hospital and have a baby!" :) (I'm all about rewarding myself... chuckle)
Thanks so, SOOOO much to all of you who are praying and asking for updates. For now my condition is labeled stable and I've no doubt it is due to the massive amounts of prayer coverage. :)
And a special thanks to all my friends on 5100 - I hope you guys know how much I appreciate you all. :) Kurt and I checked on Roseanne yesterday (she even showed us her scar!) and she gave us the ornament and gift you guys got for us. To say we were overwhelmed is an understatement. :) Thank you doesn't feel like enough - but I hope you know I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Only 2 months (and a few days) until I come visit! (Save me the Vic Room, okay? LOL!)
Thanks for reading everyone!

Egads

Blood pressure today at one time rated at 140-ish over 116. I was so amazed at the bottom number I didn't really notice the top.
Yikes...
It came down quite nicely with rest and drinking water - but that really isn't a great sign. That and the fact that I've gained another 2 pounds since Thursday.
I wish I could see the retention - I'd feel better then (sorta) - but knowing that I have this fluid just building up somewhere isn't great. I don't have any shortness of breath or anything... so it isn't in my lungs or too tightly around my heart.

But Arrrrghhhhh!
(small and forced smile - chuckle)

On a brighter note: our counter-tops are FINALLY in! The guy will probably come install them on the 18th - and then I can FINALLY post pictures of the FINISHED renovations.

I probably haven't mentioned that we ordered them over 2 months ago, and the fabric for my drapes has also been backordered for over a month already... I really have been feeling this house will never actually be finished. But that is the old Kendall.

I am now an optimist. :)

About the Blood Pressure Issue

Today the doctor (not my regular doctor, but somebody in his practice) told me that I am starting to get into preeclampsia (also known as toxemia) territory. I guess my weight jumped 10 lbs in one month - and I haven't been eating that much! (chuckle)
That factor partnered with the high blood pressure and the racing heart rate - and a slight amount of protein in my urine has them a little bit concerned.
So strict orders are to stay off my feet, stay cool and drink LOTS of fluids for the next few days until I can see my regular doctor next Tuesday. Fortunately, I have no shifts until Wednesday at the earliest - so it doesn't inconvenience anyone too badly right now. But ultimately, he'll decided what is best for me and our baby girl next week - if I've bounced back then I'm sure the status quo will be fine. If not - then they may want me to quit work until the baby comes.
I'm really hoping and praying that I don't have to take the next two months off - that would sure make time drag (and two months of lost wages could cause a mind financial stumbling block... chuckle). But if that is the case, I know the Lord knows best. One thing I'm not so quick to do this pregnancy is to write things off as "fine".
So we really appreciate everyone's continued prayers for both me and the little peanut - and that Kurt will also be able to remain calm and rational. (He actually laughed out loud when the doctor told me no pickles... rolling eyes...) :)
I'm off to elevate my feet and drink a gallon of water (bladder - prepare thyself for a mighty onslaught...)
Have a good evening, everyone! :)

Early Babies?

I found out this weekend that a coworker of mine who wasn't due until mid-September gave birth 5 weeks early on the 3rd.
-
Right after that I found out another coworker's pregnant daughter was spotting at 12 weeks.
-
Then my blood pressure started to rise (149/90) and my heart was racing (>100 for over 2 hours).
-
And THEN I found out one of my dearest friends (due also mid-September) was in the hospital all day yesterday and last night with contractions and 4 cm dilation.
-
This has not been a great week for the pregnant ladies...
... but so far everyone is stabilized.

My coworker's baby daughter is doing well.
The other coworker's daughter is still doing okay.
My blood pressure is quite a bit lower today - although my heart is still fast. I think that's just 'cause I'm married to such a hottie... don't tell him. ;)
And my girlfriend got through the night with no contractions and will probably be sent home today sometime. (Love you, Shiela!)
Praising a God who is always in control... how relaxing it is to not only admit but embrace the fact that I am not in charge. :)

Ode to the Spa

Oh.
My.
Goodness.

I spent a morning at the spa.
For the first time in my life I felt like Paris Hilton... um....
... except for her nutty personality... okay... and all the nutty men she dates... and all that nutty DUI stuff...
So I am completely reversing that horrible parallel and saying that I feel like a nameless and yet super-rich blue blood from New York. Why New York? Because of Gossip Girl! :)

ANY-way: the point is that I was pam-pered with a capital 'P'.
What privilege!
What luxury!

What have I been missing all my life?

I knew I was destined for more of this kind of stuff as soon as the Dead-Sea wrap was applied...

(On a brief rabbit trail: who invented that, anyway? Was some girl just strolling around on the shore of that big, salty sea in Israel and exclaimed, "Wunderbar! I should package the mud at the bottom of this lake and send it all over the world for people to rub on their bodies. I'll tell them it's full of minerals and antitoxins and they'll pay me big bucks to turn themselves into mud babies."
Good luck getting the bank to approve that venture...)

But I digress...
She scrubbed me (with genuine dead-sea salt, no less!), mudded me and then wrapped me up like a sandwich in saran-wrap, a sheet and a thermal (shiny on one side) blanket.
I'm not joking. Like a sandwich.
Then she said, "You'll be like this for a half-hour", turned down the lights, put on soft music and left. The only complication was the itch in my left knee which I was able to ignore because of my active combat with the slight feeling of claustrophobia. It was like, "It's okay... I'm camping... just camping... and I'm just in a really, really snug sleeping bag..." My nose also started running somewhere during that half-hour... but since I had the room all to my muddy-bodied little self, I felt quite liberated to sniff to my heart's desire.

After that was done, she gave me a robe (a dark brown one because of the very muddy Dead Sea mud - clever, no?) and took me to the Hydrotherapy tub. Not a jacuzzi tub... this thing didn't have jets... but gave a super-massage by some other mysterious means.
I actually found myself siting in there giggling like a 3 year old because I was sitting in a gigantic bathtub with huge mounds of bubbles drinking Spa water and knowing I wasn't going to have to clean the muddy tub afterwards.
And the little yellow rubber-ducky sitting by the faucet was pretty funny, too.
It was like being amazed at the fanciest restaurant ever, and then they tell you the special is macaroni and cheese.
I asked myself, "Is it for ambiance (elegance paired with humility, for example), or a cure for boredom when those 15 minutes stretch on too long?"
I quietly sang Ernie's famous ode to the quacking saffron friend: "Rubber-Ducky, you're the one... (ba-bah-ba-bah-da!)... you make bathtime lots of fun... (bah-be-bah-be-bah-dooo!)..."

After that was done, I re-robed (but not with the Dead Sea-muddy one) and went back to my room for my half-hour relaxation massage.
That part was worth the entire morning.
Previously, the only massages I've had are from family - except for after Autumn was born I was so sore before the funeral that I went for therapy a couple of times... but those weren't exactly the most relaxing circumstances.
My analysis of this experience?
Wow.
Really. That's all I can say - so I'll just say it again for good measure.
Wow.

The funniest part (even funnier than Rubber Ducky) was when she brought in the stuff for my hand and foot paraffin wax. She took my left foot and stuck it in this big plastic bag filled with hot wax and I was thinking to myself, "!"
She must have clued in at my sudden head-raise and the look of "What the heck are you doing down there?" (which I would never actually say because I'm trying to look like I'm Mrs Uber-relaxed sophisticate) and she said, "Have you ever had a paraffin wax before?"
Uh... nope. And why are you putting hot ziplock baggies on my extremities?
So she explained about how it's good for joints, and feels great in the winter... etc. And by that time, the initial, "I think the bottom of my feet have been seared off" sensation had cooled and it started to feel pretty wonderful.

After that I got a 'mini' manicure (choosing mother-of-pearl polish in honor of the snow or something like that) and Kurt came to pick me up. When I got in the truck I had a severe case of the giddies and informed him that I am totally ruined because I loved the whole thing.
Simple, country-girl Kendall no longer exists because crazy muddy Kendall took over in the Hydrotherapy tub.
Poor soon-to-be-broke man...
... but at least he won't have trouble thinking of gifts for me in the future! ;)

Now I should finish this tale with the disclaimer that I didn't buy this experience for myself. I got the gift certificate from my parents last year for Christmas and it expires tomorrow. I didn't intentionally take it to the last minute, but with the pregnancy and nausea and swelling, and difficulty laying on my tummy it just got pushed back until "later". I figured I'd leave the baby with Kurt for a morning and do it in the fall. Well, the fall obviously didn't progress as I had pictured - so when I found the gift certificate in my bedside table last month I thought I should get out and take advantage of it.

Disclaimer done!
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
I am reduced to such inarticulateness when lavished with non-essential vanity treatments. Case in point: I used the world 'inarticulateness'. Groan.

If you are a person of the male-sort, and you are having trouble thinking of something for your significant wife-type person... this would be a pretty good idea. Trust me.

That's what I'm telling Kurt, anyway. (chuckle)

And, if you live in the same city as us, click here and see where I went. (And before you cry out at the prices - trust me when I tell you that they are actually pretty reasonable compared to other day-spas.)

So that was my day-spa adventure. Can't wait for the next one! ;-D

Wow. :)

Greetings from the Sickling

The last time I had a cold this bad was waaay back in April at our friend's (Jeremy and Crystal) wedding. Last time I couldn't take drugs... this time I'd do the Tylenol intravenously if it were possible. Just 'cause I can. ;)
I actually thought I had tonsillitis last night the pain in my throat was so strong... and when the coughing started at 6 am, I knew I wouldn't be going to church this morning - lest germs be passed on in place of greetings. Hopefully Kurt doesn't do my 'passing on' for me... he doesn't show signs of getting sick yet - but you never know...
Monday (last week) I thought I was coming down with something - but it seemed to ease up by Tuesday - but Wednesday afternoon, something bad was happening. So here I sit on Sunday morning, plugged and with a sore throat, puffing out little coughs... but thankfully on the upswing - I hope!
It has also been a few hard days emotionally... sometimes the reality of our baby being gone is so far away - and on others it is close. These have been "close" days for so many reasons, but the Lord is faithful to hold me near. There is such relief in telling Him my heart - knowing nothing is hidden from Him anyway is so liberating! Thanks for your prayers, everyone.
Will post soon... I hope... lots of that emotion in this post, isn't there? :)

Fingers Closing!

Today we ended up going for a stat (ie: "sooner than the health care system usually works") ultrasound because I've been having some pretty heavy bleeding. My apologies to anyone for whom that is "too much information", but it is essential to the story - I promise. :-D
I've been concerned mostly because I had no idea what to expect in the time following birth. Not only have I never had a baby before, but I didn't follow the regular "recovery" regimen afterward: mainly breastfeeding - which helps shrink the uterus back down to normal size by continuing contractions. And Kurt - who is normally concerned - was doubly concerned because of mine.
Anyway, yesterday the doctor arranged for me to get the ultrasound to make sure there weren't any "retained products of conception" which means 'tiny pieces of placenta'. If there is anything left in there, the uterus can't get back to where it is supposed to be - and a woman can bleed, and bleed, and bleed... I'm sure you get the point.
This morning I woke up with some major attacks on my faith. As I lay in bed, I could imagine going there and having them say, "There's placenta present - you need a D&C (uterine scrape - not good for future conceptions) immediately." Or, "Your bleeding will never stop - a hysterectomy is the only option."
On one hand I could tell myself they were just "silly" thoughts. On the other, my perspective on things that are unlikely to happen has changed drastically. We've had unimaginable news given to us in a situation that was just supposed to be a check-up... and I found myself thinking, "I don't know what I'll do if I can never conceive again - never feel a baby move inside me. Please don't do this to me, Lord!" Even considering that our future could be childless after having been so close filled me with paralyzing anxiety. I hate worrying - it never accomplishes anything! But it was so hard to get away from today.
So I found myself fighting the fear and sadness - and all manner of unpleasant things as I waited for the ultrasound. There was another lady there who was a real chatty gal. And yes - I am 'understating'... chuckle. :) She kept going on and on to her husband about all the people that were pregnant at the same time as her, and spring babies, and all the parts of pregnancy that she was enjoying, or not... and I just stared out the window and thought, "Please, please just be quiet."
I've heard that anger is often just displaced sadness... but sometimes it is just plan-old ugly anger... and I had to do some serious repenting. How many times have I displayed joy without being aware of other's around me? How often was I oblivious to other's pain - perhaps even on the days we went for our happier ultrasounds?
When we got to have the ultrasound - with the same technician who had done our last one - the memories were just like a ton of bricks falling on me. I stared at the ceiling remembering how I eagerly watched the screen before looking for little hands and feet - and how thrilled we were to see Autumn suck her thumb and yawn at the 30-week mark.
Yes, it was hard to be reminded of the times we were there and how we had the same excitement and anticipation... and how naive we were about the possibility of anything going wrong. Just like the other girl. But I am glad for her that she was happy about her pregnancy - because truthfully, I understand that thrill.
I just sorrow for me. My wants. My goals. My desires.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone else... but I just miss our baby girl. I want another baby to fill my empty arms - and today the battle is particularly hard to not make that my idol - the source of my happiness. My fingers have been so close to crushing the butterfly today... and I'm praying the Lord gives me strength to deal with whatever comes across our path - to keep my hands open and my heart calm. I don't want my faith to be in my circumstances - I want it to be in who my Lord is.
The good news is that there isn't any obvious problems - so this is probably just "that time of the month" which gives us both relief. My system is kinda screwy - but it seems to be trying to get back to normal... so I'm thanking the Lord for that in a huge way.
Also, I've been reminded of friends and family who are also going through some hard stuff today, so Kurt and I are praying for them... I'm sure you know who you are. :)
Anyway - thanks to everyone reading - and for your continued prayers. I'm so convinced that the Lord uses them to get me through these exact kind of situations - plus the day-to-day struggles. I look forward to the pain not being quite so acute or sudden - and I do trust that will happen, too.
So - deep breath and a smile - that's been November 27th (so far) in a nutshell, everyone! :)