Oops!
I also wanted to acknowledge that the visitor counter is over 6000. Aye carumba!!
I am both amazed and humbled. :)
For those who read, pray, and/or comment... and especially for the ones who do all three (chuckle): Although we cannot always reply, both of us read each comment left on the blog. Your reaching out to us across the distances (even not-so-far distances) is neither unnoticed, or taken for granted. We continue to thank the Lord, daily, for the way He strengthens us through you.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! :)
2 comments:
i definitely read your blog everyday as well as keep you guys in my prayers! i have a book i'd love to send to you if you'd like :)
Hi Kurt and Kendall - Lori put me in touch with your blog and sitting here, reading it...I am in tears. I am crying for you and also for me. We lost our daughter at full term last year (Jan 23/06), and we (Tim and I), fully and truly understand your journey. I am so sorry for your loss - there are no words to fill the gap in your hearts. Our Maran was born in Saskatoon, after 2 days of induced labour. They found a true knot in her cord, and the cord was also wrapped around her neck twice. After two years of trying to conceive her, we were absolutely shocked and devastated when we were told that her heart had stopped beating....kind of like I would think a terroritst attack feels like.
Last year was a very tumultuous year for us...always feeling that someone wasn't home. Like at Christmas, when one of your siblings wasn't home...I kept looking for Maran, knowing that she was already Home. The tears I cried (and still cry), are strictly tears for me. I want her here! I'm being selfish, I know, but I want her here with us!! I thought at one time, that giving birth to my little baby that was already gone was the hardest thing someone could ever do. Now I know that learning to live without her has been the hardest challenge.
I know that she is where we all strive to be. Paradise. Our Angels touched earth long enough to show us how beautiful a flower blooms in Paradise.
For the longest time, I felt that it was all just a bad dream...as my tummy faded, the IV bruises disappeard, I felt that noone would remember her. I couldn't feel her physical presence anymore...I felt like I was losing her, that I wouldn't remember her. She wasn't real was she? This was all just a big nightmare, one that I would awaken from at any moment. But she was real and she IS real. Maran left behind many blessings.
We never take each other for granted anymore. She taught us to love even the teeny tiny things in life...she taught us that all life is precious and sacred. She showed us the face of God.
I'm sure that you've read alot about infant death/stillbirth, but it's very true that time is a good healer. It has been 18 months for us now since Maran died. The elephant is now moved off my chest and I can inhale deeply again. I can think of her without crying. I even smile when I think of her. When our 6 year old is playing "Superheros" and he says that Maran's super power is "Angel power", I smile. We keep her alive in our hearts and in our everyday lives. She is here with us, even though we can't see her, I feel her. I know she is here watching over us and loving us. She also goes to be with our family when they are having trials of their own. I believe when I have periods of calm and strength, that they come from her.
For me, grief has been somewhat of a solitary journey. While we can strengthen each other and be there for each other, each one of us has had to find peace on our own and in our own time. I think grief is much like the ocean tide. The first wave hits you and knocks you to your knees. Over time the waves gradually ease, coming farther and farther apart until there is only a gentle lapping of the water. Something you carry with you forever, a constant gentle lapping of the water.
We were very blessed to have Maran. After 2 years of trying for her, you can imagine our surprise when we found out we were pregnant, just 3 months after we lost her. A gift straight from God! Jack was born screaming on Jan 16/07 (one week before her one year anniv - was I a mess!!)
The Lord works in mysterious ways, and although I don't believe "everything happens for a reason", I do believe that He wants us to be happy. I have surrendered to the mystery of life and now just thank God every day for the blessings of my family. It is with incredible sorrow, that we thank Maran for giving up her life so that Jack could have life. Getting my head around that one was hard. It is incredible to have survived this - life is indeed good.
This was an incredibly long comment. I'm sorry! :-) If you should ever feel like you want to talk to someone who totally gets it, you can email me anytime. pattie@draude.ca or pdraude@gmail.com
We are so sorry for your loss and pray for your strength and peace. Take care of yourselves and take care of each other. - Pattie Draude (Melfort)
"And can it be that in a world so full and busy, that the loss of one tiny creature makes a void in my heart so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up" - Charles Dickens
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